我是有多闲…… ——————————我是分割线———————————— And they wonder why 大人们很疑惑 those of us in our twenties... 为什么我们这些二十出头的年轻人 refuse to work an 80-hour week... 拒绝每周工作80小时 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs... 只为了买得起他们生产的宝马汽车 why we aren't interested... in the counterculture 对他们发明的反流行文化不感冒 that they invented... as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution... for a pair of running shoes. 我们只从中看到了他们从这次革命的硕果是一对跑鞋 But the question remains... 但问题依然存在 what are we going to do now? 我们现在要干什么？ How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 我们如何能够修复所有这些从上一辈留下来的破坏？ Fellow graduates, 我亲爱的毕业生同伴们 the answer is simple. 答案很简单 The answer is... 答案就是 The answer is... 答案是…… I don't know. 我也不知道 Good save, Lelaina. 救得好哦，Lelaina I'm not a valedictorian, 我不是毕业致辞的优生 but I play one on TV. 但我在电视上演了一个 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 我们都知道你是一路睡上去领奖台的 My favorite part about graduating now would be.. 我最喜欢的毕业的部分是 dodging my student-loan officer for the rest of my life. 以后可以永远躲着学生贷款经理 He will be in cahoots with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... who's been after my ass for years. 他可以勾搭那个跟在我屁股后边好些年的哥伦比亚唱片公司的家伙 Troy Dyer, I brought you back a souvenir. Troy Dyer，我给你带了个纪念品 Ah... You know, you can still go back next year and graduate... 你知道，你明年依然可以回去再毕业一次 still get your BF.A. 拿一个艺术学士学位 Oh, can I? And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror... 噢行吗？然后我就可以把这挂在我的后视镜上 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 跟老家那些小伙伴吹嘘炫耀我毕业了 Well, I through with the whole life drama. 我的人生走向了巅峰 Well, I know this sounds cornball... 我知道听起来有点不知天高地厚 but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 但我真的想在改变人类生活上 有一点作为 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 我呢，我想给他们每人每一杯可乐 And you wonder why we never got involved. 难怪我们从来没有擦出火花 Three words... November sixteenth nineteen-ninety... 三个字，11月16日，199…… Oh, totally drunk 噢，完全是喝醉了、发酒疯 and out of my mind! It would have been a poetic experience... 其实可能是一次诗意的体验 if I weren't such a gentleman, which I am. 如果我当时不那么绅士 Just let it go, Dyer. 忘了吧，Troy Surrender the fantasy. 别做梦了 Hey, Sammy, 喂，Sammy what's your goal? 你的目标是什么？ My goal is to... 我的目标是…… Like a career or something. 事业上的或者其他的目标都可以 Lainie, I think the moment has been appropriately captured. Lainie，我想你已经很好地捕捉了这些宝贵瞬间了 Would you please take your face out of the camera? 能否请你放下你的录像机？ Come on. It's for my documentary. 别这样，这是为了我的纪录片 Her...Documentary. 她的纪录片 Think fast. 快速思考一下 Here's the deal 你看这样行不行. I'm going to take Sam against his will... and straighten him out 我计划要将Sam掰直，不管他愿不愿意 because I truly believe...that if we can get two women on the Supreme Court... 我确信，既然我们能把2个女人送上最高法院 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 那我们至少能够给Sam找到一个 I'm Superman. 我是超人 -I can fly. 我能飞 -She's toast. 她要完了 Aah! Quick, Vickie. 快说，Vickie What's your social security? 你的社会保障号是多少？ Uh... 851-25-9357. Very impressive. 厉害！ It's the only thing I really learned in college. 这是我在大学唯一学会的东西 Sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. 有时候，我觉得自己不再年轻 Conjunction junction, what's your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses Conjunction junction, how's that function? Got three favorite cars that get most of my... Honey, honey. No, no, no. 亲爱的，不不不 Is yours good? 你的好吃吗 It doesn't seem fresh. 吃着不新鲜 I'm sorry. 抱歉 Well, I guess it's about time...for me to give you your graduation present, huh? 现在，我该送出你的毕业礼物了 Your... gas card. 你的汽油卡 I'll pay that bill for one year. 我会支付一年的汽油账单 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infinity... 同时，因为Helen Anne买了一辆新的因菲尼迪 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 所以，她旧的宝马车就归你了 You can pick it up at our house. 你待会可以来我们家取车 -BMW? BMW? 宝马？宝马？ -Yeah. 是呀 Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? Tom，你今天没有听到她的演讲吗？ She didn't want a BMW. 她不想要宝马 Mom, I'll handle this. 妈妈，我来处理 I'm not gonna sit here and listen again...to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 我不想坐在这里，再听一次关于一辆车的奇葩道德争论 Now, it's got four wheels. 来，这辆车有四个轮子，走得很好 It runs well. And, little darling, after you've been...in the real world for a while... 我的小宝贝，当你进入真实世界之后 you're gonna appreciate that car. 你会很感激自己有一辆车 Yeah. Just think of all those starving children in Africa...who don't even have cars. 是呀，想一想那些吃不饱的非洲儿童，他们就没有车 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? Troy，你的爸爸会送你那样的礼物吗？ Mom. 妈妈 Well, actually, my father's dying of prostate cancer... 事实上，我爸爸现在处于癌症晚期 so I don't really trouble him much for gifts. 所以我不想因为礼物而去打扰他 See, Tom. 看看，Tom You don't want a BMW. 你不想要一辆宝马 Tell him, Lelaina. 告诉他，Lelaina Charlane, she can make up her own mind. Charlane，她能自己做决定 Dad, don't talk to her that way. 爸爸，别这样的语气跟她说话 She's not a child. 她不是小孩 Well, she married one. 她嫁的是 What? All right. Excuse me. 你说什么？好，抱歉 Come on, come on. 别这样，别这样 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW...until I can afford to buy a regular car myself, OK? 妈妈、爸爸，这辆宝马我要了，等我有能力时我会再买一辆新的，好吗 OK, Mom? Please? Mom, please, come on. 妈妈，好不好？拜托了，别这样 Get a Ford. 买福特吧 SINGING: Just to float on the sea Find myself on a page of history You know, as I ride along I can always hear the song about you and where you're meant to be Well, you're gonna tell me the answers I'll know when you come back to me If we should fall, love will catch us every time I hear you call, I will run And if the magic of the adventure overcomes We won't cry, because it could be fun Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers You'll know when you come back to me Gonna be all right When you come back to me Good morning! 早安！ Good morning! 早安！ Ha ha ha ha! Yes. Good morning, 早安！ ladies and... gentleman! 女士们，还有先生们 I see a gentleman right over there! 我看到一位先生坐在那儿！ Good morning! 早安 Good morning! 早安 Boy, I tell you... 告诉你们 it is a good morning with this audience. 今天这是一个好日子 Ha! Well, today, for all you dieters... 哈哈，好，今天，给所有节食者带来的福利 guiltless goodies from chef Skinny Ninny. 是大厨瘦金妮做的好吃不肥腻的食物 Whoa. Mmm! And we'll also be visiting with a man...right here from Houston who is battling Alzheimer's. 以及，我们还会离开休斯顿，去拜访一个与阿尔茨海默病抗争的男人 A beautiful and touching story...of the triumph of the human spirit. 这是一个人类意志胜利的感人美好故事 He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers. 真恶心，简直无法直视 Now let's take a peek inside our "Video View"... 现在先睹为快 and see what we have in store for today. 看看今天节目的精华内容 It's a special report on children's birthday party themes...taped on location...at 8-year-old Davy Robbins' party...exclusively for our "Video View" collection. 这是关于儿童生日会的特别报道 拍摄于8岁的Davy Robbin的生日会上，特别为我们节目录制的 Ha ha ha! So... come sit with me. 现在，和我一起坐下来 Relax. 放松 Have a cup of joe. 喝杯咖啡 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 糟糕！ Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day. Good morning! 嗯，好吧，今天是个好日子，早安！ You're beautiful. 你真美 We're clear. 我们说清楚 Am I here to amuse you, Miss Pierce? Pierce小姐，我是来供你取乐的吗？ Am I here to make you laugh? 我是来引你发笑的吗？ Is that the real reason I'm on this show? 这就是我主持这档节目的原因？ Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards... Gubler先生，我给你准备提词纸时 you're supposed to get your own espresso. 你本应自己准备你的咖啡 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 你没看到我留言给你的便签吗？ I don't have time for your little mind games. 我没那么多时间玩你的猜谜游戏 I'd like to remind you...that we're laying people off around here. 提醒你一句，我们这儿正在削减人手 I can find an intern who will do your job for free like that. 我随便就能找到一个免费实习生来接替你的活 SINGING: I been locked out I been locked in But I always seem to come back again And the view, when I look from my window... Oh, that's a much better size. That looks great. That would go really well with the EZ-Fits. So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. Yeah, roll 'em right up. It's liberating, isn't it? I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste A flannel for my face Pajamas, a hairbrush new shoes, and a case I said to my reflection Let's get out of this place Past the church and the steeple The laundry on the hill Murder, there's one committed each 7 seconds. Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry. Tempted by the fruit of another Waa waa Hello? What? 你好？什么？ Tempted, but the truth is discovered No, no, no. 不不不 Listen, he needs us, OK? 听着，他需要我们，OK？ If he makes videos, we show them, OK? 他制作片子，我们放映片子，好吗？ It's symbiotic. It's like a "chicken or the egg?" 大家是共生的关系，就像“鸡和鸡蛋” It's both of them working together. 他们两方要一起合作 Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let me tell you something. 好，我跟你说 No, no, no. 不不不 I'm not scared of... 我不是害怕…… Jesus! 天哪！ Aah! MAN ON TELEPHONE: Michael, don't laugh at me. Michael，不要取笑我 What? 什么？ No, I'm in an accident. 不，我遇到意外了 I got in an accident. 我出车祸了 Yeah, I'm fine. 不，我没事 No. I'll call you back, all right? 不，我待会打给你，好吗 I'm gonna call you... 我会打给你 When you said you would sue... 你刚说你会起诉…… Well, it's not really my idea. 那不是我的主意 It's just I got my lawyer guy telling me, you know... 只是我的律师跟我说的 something, like, about my rates or... 这跟纳税有关 Right. You mean, like sue in a courtroom for money? 对。你是说，要上法庭去起诉索偿？ I don't even know... 我也不知道 because I've never really done anything like this before. 我也没遇过这种事情 I mean, do you have a lawyer or something? 你有没有律师吗？ No, I don't have a lawyer. 不，我没有律师 I don't have a dentist. 我连牙医都没有 I'm... You know, I make four-hundred dollars a week. 我，我每周的周薪只有400块 What do you do? 你是做什么的？ Well, at the moment, I'm working... 现在，我在做…… I'm sorry. 抱歉 I just... I got to...Hello. 我要……你好 Yeah. What is it? 是的，什么事？ You know, I don't care... 你知道，我不在乎…… if she does twelve books of herself naked, OK? 她出了12本裸体写真集，好吗？ It doesn't... 不是…… That's Dr. Zaius 那是Zaius博士，《人猿星球》里面的 from "Planet of the Apes. " Oh. 哦 I'm sorry. No. 抱歉，不 Someone else is in here. 有人在这儿 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 是吗？那好，让她自己来跟我说 -No, don't do that. 不，别那样 -Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 噢，抱歉，抱歉 No, no. You can... 不不，你可以…… That's all right... 没关系 I was... Go ahead. 我只是……没事 You want to touch it? 你想碰他吗？ It's all right. 没事 Yeah. No, go ahead. 是，不，请便 No, I was talking to... 不，我是在跟她说…… Look, can I talk to you later? 这样，我待会打给你好吗？ Can we... When? OK. OK. 我们能否……几时？好，好 Um... OK. Um... uh... You know what? 这样吧 Just forget it. 忘了这件事 Really, just forget the whole thing... 这件事就一笔勾销吧 because it was probably my fault anyway. 因为这件事很可能会判是我的错 And I'll get in trouble,and it just doesn't... 然后我会惹上麻烦…… And you seem very sweet. 你长得也很甜美 And you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 你貌似也很喜欢Zaius博士 Oh. Ha ha. -Oh, no. -That's... I'm sorry. 抱歉 That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 他，他只是一个收藏家的……没关…… Well, we can... -You know what? 这样吧 -No, here's his head. 不，这是他的头 It's really... you know...I think he's gone. 我想他已经不行了…… I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 我，我好像毁掉了你的生活 No, no, you're not. Really. 不不，你没有，真的 Just don't... Just don't touch anything else...and I think we'll be fine. 只是，不要再碰其他东西就好…… Michael Grates, vice president regional programming..."In Your Face" TV. Michael Grates，区域制片，副总裁，"In Your Face" 电视台 We've seen it. 我们看过 It's like MTV, but with an edge. 跟MTV差不多，但更犀利一点 -Yeah. So, is it a date? 所以，是约会吗？ -Yeah, yeah. 是，是 -Dinner? 晚餐？ -Coffee. 咖啡 -Coffee or cappuccino? 咖啡还是卡布奇诺？ -He ended up saying decaf. 他说的是脱因咖啡 Oh, no. Early night. 噢不，傍晚 Is there any precoffee activity? 有什么喝咖啡前可以做的活动吗？ Um... I don't think so. 我不知道 Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 他约你时说的是“出来玩一下”还是“出来见一下” Go out.He definitely said go out. 出来玩。他肯定说的是这个词 Hey. How are you doing? 嗨，你怎样了？ -Oh, shit. 我擦 -What? I forgot to tell you something. 我忘了跟你说了 Are you out of your mind? 你疯了吗 Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got fired from the newsstand. 天哪，Lainie，他刚刚才被报摊炒鱿鱼了 He needs a place to stay till he can find a new job...and get his own place. 他需要一个地方落脚，直到他找到新工作，还有新的住处 Vickie, that's the American dream of the nineties. Vckie，这是90年代的美国梦 That could take years. 要等好多年才能实现 Look at it like a built-in security system. 把他当成是内嵌的安保系统 We'll have a man around the house. 房子里有个男人挺好的 We'll have a hall monitor. 我们会多了一个厅长 That's what we'll have. 我们只会有厅长 I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 我甚至不知道在这栋楼里是否被允许这样做 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. 房东太太又不会跑来看 I'll just stay on the couch. 我睡在沙发上就行 Vickie,he will turn this place...into a den of slack. Vickie，他会把房子弄得乌烟瘴气的 What the hell is your problem? 你到底是有什么问题？ I have to work around here, 我要工作 and unfortunately, Troy... 而你呢 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 你是浪费时间的大师 Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster girl for the workers party... 噢，好，抱歉，劳动党的封面女郎 but until I get that toehold in the burger industry... 在我在汉堡业界站稳脚之前 I got a little time to suck. 我还有一点时间可以浪费 I'd rather check into a shelter than deal with her shit. 我宁愿去收容所都好过跟她共处 I know how much you love to mainline in misery here. 我知道你就是喜欢自我沉溺在痛苦中 But you don't have to. 但你不需要这样 I can get you a job interview at my dad's plant. 我可以帮你联系去我爸爸的工厂去面试 What is that? 那是什么？ Part of my lease agreement? 我住在这里的租约的一个条款？ It's either that or a credit check. 你也可以说是一个信用检查 It's cool, Troy. 太好了，Troy You can stay. 你可以住在这里啦 Welcome to the maxi pad. 卫生巾欢迎你 Yeah, with the new dry-weave... 对呀，还有最新的干织技术…… it actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 它真的能帮你把湿气吸走，挺好的 You won't even know I'm here. 你不会察觉到我在这里 Should I get married? 我要不要结婚？ Should I be good? 我要不要当好人？ Should I astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood? 我要不要穿上天鹅绒西装和浮士德头罩去吓唬邻居的女孩？ And not take her to movies but to cemeteries and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets? 带她去墓地而不是去影院，和她说起狼人传说和开叉单簧管？ What "Hey, That's My Bike"... would like to do eventually. as a band... is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. Or Richard Simmons. You know how, in his commercials... how he travels around, surprises people jogging. As you can see, I have the occasional run-in... with an anti- "Hey, That's My Biker. " And to those people, I say nobody... Nobody can eat fifty eggs. -Lainie? -Whatie? 啥？ The next time you make microwave brownies... 下次你再做微波炉布朗尼时 I'd really consider using a microwave. 我有认真在考虑用微波炉 It's just a thought. 只是一个想法 You know, 你知道吗 I finally figured out...what your problem is, Dyer. 我终于发现你的问题所在了，Dyer What's that? 是什么？ I'm not a Pepper? 我不是Pepper？ You suffer from the philosopher groupie syndrome. 你患了哲学家狂热综合征 You're this guy with, like, a 180 I.Q... 你这人，有180的IQ ten units away from a degree in philosophy... 只差一点就能拿到哲学学位 and you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 但你老是迷恋那些无知的骨肉皮小妞 Now... they are not all dumb. 她们并不都是无知 Most of them are just very, very depressed. 她们中的大多数只是非常、非常沮丧 Do you find me attractive, 你觉得我有吸引力吗 sitting here, eating brownies? 坐着这里，吃着布朗尼 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. 我现在觉得你有一种奇怪的吸引力 You're oddly, oddly attracted to me. 一种很奇怪、很奇妙的吸引力 It turns you on, doesn't it? 你现在性奋了？ You like to watch, don't you? 你喜欢观察，是不是？ Come on. 别这样 Come on! Aah! 别这样啊 Here. Ha ha ha! 过来，哈哈 Don't! Come on. 不，别这样 It's not funny. Give it back. 一点都不好玩，还我 -Give what back? 还什么？ -Give it back! 还给我！ Give what back? 还什么？ Give the brownies back? 还你布朗尼？ -Aah! 啊 -Brownies, brownies. 布朗尼，布朗尼 Oh, I love brownies. 噢，我爱布朗尼 My name's Lelaina. 我的名字叫Lelaina Hey, don't! 别！ Hey, watch the camera. 来，看着摄像机 Don't throw it at me. 别对着我 That's not nice. 这样不好 Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look...at what I've done here? Gubler先生，你有没有时间可以看看我的作品？ I need my questions. 我要我的问题卡 Oh, well, here's the research that I did. 噢，好，这些是我搜集的资料 You might want to read it...because this guest has quite a history in politics. 你要不看一下……因为这位嘉宾在政治上很有声望 Just give me my questions. 给我问题卡 Excusez-moi. 抱歉 -You all alone? 你独自一人？ -Not anymore. 再也不是了 If I could bottle the sexual tension... 如果我能将Bonnie Franklin和Schneider之间的性张力 between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider... 收到一个瓶子里 I could solve the energy crisis. 我就能解决能源危机 Excuse me. 抱歉 Don't bogart that can... man. 这名男子，请别那么粗暴对待那只罐子 -Are you retarded? 你是弱智吗？ -No. I'm rhyming. 不，我只是为了押韵 It's not easy. 不容易 Sure, I make it look easy. 好吧，我能让它看着很容易 You guys better not be inhaling. 你们这些家伙最好别 Hi. Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of the Gap. Lelaina，Vickie被提升为Gap的经理了 -Shut up. 闭嘴 -It's not even a big deal. 这没啥了不起的 The old manager tried to kill herself...by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 原来的经理自杀了……通过吃一整盆圣诞花 Still, I'm so proud of you. 我还是很为你自豪 Wait. 等等 I'll be making four-hundred dollars a week, though. 以后我的周薪会涨到400块 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 我们再也不用为房租发愁了 Troy, aren't you excited? Troy，你不兴奋吗？ I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 我兴奋得都爆发出水果味了 You guys, I just thought of something. 伙伴们，我突然想起一件事 I'm manager of the Gap. 我是Gap的经理 I'm responsible for all those t-shirts... 我要为所有T恤负责任 French-cut, v-necked, ribbed, what have you. 法式剪裁、V领、罗纹、诸如此类 Dude, I'm in trouble. 伙伴们，我麻烦大了 No, you're not, Vick. 不，你不会，Vick I know you can do it. 我知道你可以的 I just do not understand why this moment...has to be Memorexed. 我只是不明白为啥要拍下这一刻 Sammy, don't you realize? Sammy，你没发现吗？ This is your one opportunity to play a small part... 这是你唯一的机会 in what is destined to be greatness. 能在这个注定成为巨作的作品中扮演一个小角色 Lainie here is gonna revolutionize... Lainie将会变革 "Good Morning, Grant. " “早安，格兰特” Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! 我的天！我真是有眼不识泰山 I had no idea! 我没想到这一点 Look who's mocking. 看谁有资格嘲弄别人 All you do around here, Troy...is eat and couch Troy你在这里，每天做的就是吃、睡、 and fondle the remote control. 以及摸着遥控器舍不得放下 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 没有任何命令要我去改善这个世界 Well, then what good are you? 好呀，那你有什么用？ You're a pathological optimist. 你是一个病态的乐观主义者 You're pathological. 你有病 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? 噢，你俩能不能赶紧搞在一起？ I'm starving. 我饿死了 Oh! Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 你好，你现在拨进了我们极度不满的时刻 Uh... hold on. 嗯，等一下 It's some Michael character. 有个叫Michael的人 Oh. -Who's Michael? 谁是Michael？ -Let's order a pizza. 我们叫比萨吧 Lelaina, if we promise to pay you back... Lelaina，如果我们保证一定会还你钱 will you spot us a pizza? 你能不能给我们买个比萨？ Don't have any cash. 我没现金 Dominoes takes checks. Dominoes可以接受支票 OK, great. 好呀 OK. Bye. 再见 The owner of Dominoes supports Operation Rescue. Dominoes的店主捐助了拯救会 Oh, please. No one gives a shit right now. 现在没人关心这个事情 We're starving. 我们饿疯了 Oh, wait. Wait. 等一下 -Ta-da! -We're going to eat gas. 我们要喝汽油了 Ah! Who's this Michael guy? 那个叫Michael的家伙是谁？ Um... Hey. Vickie just figured something out. Vickie刚刚有个发现 -What? 什么？ -Something wonderful. 一个奇妙的发现 Ha ha ha! Evian is naïve spelled backwards. 哈哈哈，“依云”（Evian）倒过来拼写是“天真”（naive） Uh! Could you turn this up, please? 你能把音量调高点吗？ Please? 拜托了 You won't be sorry. 你不会后悔的 Thank you. 感谢 RADIO:... When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind My, my, my, i, yi, woo! Hey! M-m-my Sharona. Come a little closer, huh? Ah, will ya, huh? Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona... Good times, any time you need them, baby Good times, ain't no time to be afraid Thelma's husband Keith has got vodka hidden in the toilet. Vodka in the toilet. That's a good one. Um... boom boom. James Dice. That's a two-parter, man. You can't do that. J.J. works in the chicken shop. He works in a chicken shop. We did that. It's the same one when he has that cape on. Drink up, man. You hate to see that happen to the rookie. Um... Alderman Davis judges a... Oh, my god. 天哪 Hi. 嗨 Are you a collection agent? 你是卖保险的吗？ Lelaina! Lelaina！ Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there. 好，我来啦 Oh. If you ain't the most hardheaded woman... 如果你不是最精明的女人…… Great! 棒！ Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. 快点，快点，快点 Oh, it's me! 是我！ Willona dates a deaf guy. Willona跟一个聋子约会 -Good one. 厉害 -Willona dates a deaf guy. Willona跟一个聋子约会 How about the one when Gary Coleman comes on... Gary Coleman演过的那个 and he's like the little...like, guy doing that... 他就像那个…… -Yeah, we did that one. 对，我们做过一次 -He was cute, though. 他还挺可爱的 -J.J.'s prom date. J.J.的毕业舞会约会 -Gotta go. Gotta go. 要走了，要走了 -Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi. -Hi. Um... everybody, this is Michael. 大家，这是Michael This is... 这是…… Prom date. Prom date. Go. 毕业舞会约会，走 You know, we should.. 我们应该…… We should... Yeah. 是，我们应该…… So, I'm gonna go. 我走啦 Bye. 再见 Michael throws a party. Michael办了个排队 Sammy, let's go. Sammy，走吧 Lelaina, you know the punishment for premature evacuation. Lelaina，你知道提前撤退的惩罚 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Penny！Willona收养了Penny！ Shit! I'm making this documentary...about my friends, 我在拍一部关于我的朋友们的纪录片 but it's really about...people who are trying to find their own identity... 但它其实是关于那些正在寻找自己的身份认同的人 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 他们没有模范或英雄可以看齐 Wow. That...That sounds great. 哇，听起来很棒 It seems like your friends would be perfect for that. 你的朋友们应该很适合这个题材 Like, um... 就像 Like that guy Troy... 比如那个叫Troy的家伙 -Troy, yeah. 他是的 -You all done here, sir? 先生，您还吃吗？ Uh, yeah. yeah. 对 You don't want to finish that? 你不吃完吗？ Because I can.. 因为我可以……. No, no, no. I'm fine. 不不不，我够了 I had a late... 我下午吃了…… So, Troy is... 所以，Troy是…… You guys just... 你们是…… It's like you guys living there, 你们一起住吗 just the two of you? 只有你们俩？ No, no, no, no, no. 不不不不 It's me and Vickie, 只有我跟Vickie but he got fired from his job... 但他被解雇了 and so he needed a place to crash for a couple weeks. 所以这几周他需要一个地方来过度一下 They caught him stealing a Snickers. 他被抓包偷了一条士力架 He stole a Snickers bar? 他偷了一条士力架？ Yeah. Ha ha ha! 对，哈哈哈 Somehow he can rationalize it... 但不知怎地，他能将之合理化 like the establishment owes him a Snickers. 说的好像公司欠他一条士力架 Right, right. 对，对 Well, I mean... 我的意思是…… I guess... you know... 我猜…… You know, you're very beautiful. 你知道吗，你非常美丽 I mean... I mean, um... 我的意思是…… Seriously, you're.. 真的，你真的很美丽. I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really good with compliments. 我……嗯……我不是很会处理赞美 Um... but, uh... Um... Ha ha! Are you religious? 你信教吗？ Um... Ha ha ha! 哈哈哈 Ha ha ha! 哈哈哈 I'm sorry. 抱歉 I guess I'm... 我觉得我是…… I guess I'm, uh...a non-practicing Jew. 我是一个不太虔诚的犹太人 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 嘿，我是一个不太虔诚的处女 Who's this again? 这是谁？ Frampton. Peter Frampton. Peter Frampton Frampton... I can't believe you don't remember... 我不敢相信你居然不记得 "Frampton Comes Alive. " “Frampton Come Alive” That album, like,totally changed my life. 这张专辑简直改变了我的人生 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime... 我生命中最伟大、最重要的发明 the Big Gulp. 特大杯可乐 And because, see... 因为，看…… No, listen. 不，听着 You get one in the morning. 你早上喝一杯 I'm talking forty-four ouncer, 我说的是44盎司 not this thirty-two wimpy... 不是这杯只有32…… -Wait a minute. Forty four? 等一下，42？ -Yeah. Forty-four ounce. 对，42盎司 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 你怎么可能喝得下42盎司的东西？ How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 你怎么可能喝得下42盎司的东西？ You get one. 你喝一杯 You have your essential vitamins and nutrients...for the entire day. 就能拥有一整天的必需的维他命和营养 Oh, yeah. Definitely. 是的，绝对 I'm sure you're totally covered. 我肯定你绝对可以 -You do. 你可以 -Well...I guess it really doesn't take much to make me happy. 我觉得，我很容易就能够感到幸福 Hey, I'm not materialistic, either. 喂，我也不是拜金主义的 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 我是说，我觉得就算没有薪水我也会继续工作 And I don't, like, want to get, 我也不是 you know... a big house. 想要一间大房子 I just want, like, a nice house. 我只想要一间温馨的房子 I'm not into cars and stuff. 我并不迷恋车子之类的 I mean, I like my car. 我喜欢我的车 You're probably not really not into, like... 你大概并不迷恋 expensive, snazzy Italian suits, either. 昂贵的、华丽丽的意大利套装 -Oh, come on. 别这样 -I'm just kidding. 我只是开玩笑 -No, no, no. 不不不 -I'm just kidding. 我只是开玩笑 Wait a minute. 等一下 I'm not like that. 我不是那样的 I'm really not. 真的不是 I mean... I mean... I'm... I'm... I mean... 我的意思是…… I know why the caged bird sings and everything. 我知道为啥笼中鸟会唱歌之类的东西 Oh, yeah? Why? 是吗?为啥？ Because he was... in a cage, 因为，它……在一个笼子里 and he was... I don't know. 我不知道 He had high hopes or something. 它有很远大的愿望之类的 OK, I dropped out of school...before we got to that,all right? 好吧，在我还没学到这个知识前我就辍学了 I should have stayed in college...and got a degree in astronomy or something. 我当初应该留在大学里拿个学位，在天文学之类的 -Oh, god, I love astronomy. 天哪，我爱天文学 -Really? 真的吗？ Yeah. I just...The math, though. 是呀，不过我的数学…… It was the math that just, like... got me every time. 我的数学学不好 I loved astronomy, too, 我也很喜欢天文学 and I got into class... 我去上了课 and it was like...it was like... everything was three-squared times pi equals the root of pi. 所有的东西都好像是三次方乘以π等于π的方根 Yeah. And I just wanted to look at the stars. 是呀，但我只想看看星星 -It was so... -Same here exactly. 我也是 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house... 我记得，在我家的老房子的屋顶 just staring up at the stars. 看着星星就非常快乐 Mmm... I want to do that again. 好想再像当时一样 I want to just...look up at the stars 我只想抬头看看星星 and take the time to...smell the...everything. 闻一闻…… Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life... 因为那就像……你是否有过那样的时刻 where everything is OK? 觉得所有事情都很好？ Do you know what I mean? 你懂我的意思吗？ Just for, like, one moment,everything is great. 所有事情都很好的一个瞬间 Not since I graduated, no. 不，毕业之后都没有过了 But yeah... yeah. When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... 当你发现自己处于那样的时刻 and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment. 你会发现，咦，我这一刻很快乐 Right. And then it just goes away really quickly. 对，然后这一刻就会很快消失 -Gone. 不见了 -It just... It's... I know I've had a couple of those, you know. 我知道我有过不少那样的瞬间 I always forget them, 我总是会记不得 but I know I've had them. 但我知道我拥有过 Oh, me, too. 噢，我也是 Like right now... is one. 像现在 Yeah... like now. 是的，像现在 SINGING: Clouds are stalking Islands in the sun Wish I could dry one Out of season But don't Hesitate 'Cause your love Won't wait Hey, hey, hey Ooh, baby, I love your way Every day Want to tell you I love your way Ooh, ooh, ooh TROY, Ooh, baby, I love your way Every day I want to be with you night and day Shh! So, you've been up all night? 所以你一整晚都没睡吗？ I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 我在这里感受到一些非常奇怪的气氛 They're of the..."I just got laid" variety. 这感觉就像是……“我刚和人睡了”的气氛 Did he dazzle you...with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 他是不是用他丰富的矿泉水知识令你倾倒 Or was it his in-depth analysis of Markie Mark...that finally reeled you in? 或者是他对Markie Mark的深度分析把你绕进去了？ I just would have liked to have been there... 我真希望能够在场 to watch how you rationalized... 看看你怎样为自己找到合理的借口 跟一个蹩脚的雅痞第一次约会就搞在一起了 sleeping with a yuppy-head cheeseball on the first date. He's not a yuppy. 他不是雅痞 He's the reason why Cliff Notes were invented. 他就是那些经典文摘的买单者 Well, that pales in comparison...to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 那也总比你约会的那些恶心的火柴妞要好得多 To hell with it. 见鬼去吧 What do I care? 我在乎什么？ What do you care? 你在乎什么？ And why are you acting...like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 你为啥突然像个好妒的男朋友在发作？ I am not acting like anything. 我没有在发作 I am calmly reading. 我在很冷静地阅读 God. If something's bothering you that much... 如果有什么事情让你这么困扰 I wish you could just be man enough to talk to me about it. 我希望你能像个男人一样跟我说说 All right, Lelaina. 好吧，Lelaina I am really in love with you. 我爱上你了 Is that what you want to hear? 这是你想听到的吗？ Is it? 是吗？ Well, don't flatter yourself. 别自作多情了 Go to hell. 去死吧 Since I've been manager here... 自从我当上了经理 our gross has increased over twenty percent. 这里的总收入提升了超过20% So... 所以…… What? 什么？ OK. OK. Um... 好啦 I guess I'm proud of that. 我觉得我为此感到自豪 Oh, please. 别这样 Look at this sweater. 看看这件毛衣 People don't know. 人们不知道 They don't know what it takes. 人们不知道折成这样需要多少工夫 I've never been a good example before... 我以前从来都折不好 and, um... I've never been good with responsibility. 我也从来都不能承担责任 So, uh... I blame my parents, though. 但我责怪我父母 I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 我想我爸妈是磕了药后乱搞怀上我的 My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. 他们在我5岁时就离婚了 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 自那以后我每三年才见到我父亲一次 And when he found out that he had cancer... 当他发现自己得了癌症之后 he decided to bring me here.. 他带我来到这里. and he gives me this big pink sea shell... 给了我这个巨大的粉红色贝壳 and he says to me... 他跟我说 "Son, the answers are all inside of this. " 所有的答案都在这里面 And I'm all, like, "What?" 我就懵逼了 But then I realized that the shell was empty. 但后来我发现这个贝壳是空的 There's no point to any of this. 什么意义都没有 It's all just a...A random lottery of meaningless tragedy... 生命只是一次随机抽签 and a series of near escapes. 它由一次毫无意义的悲剧的以及一系列的幸免于难组成 So I take pleasure in the details, you know. 所以我从琐事中得到快感 A Quarter-Pounder with cheese. 一块四分一磅的芝士 Those are good. 很好 The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain. 下雨前10分钟的天空 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 笑声变成咯咯尖笑的瞬间 And I sit back, and I...I smoke my Camel straights. 我坐下，抽一根骆驼烟 And I ride my own melt. 我自由自在 Come on. Come on. 来吧，来吧 No lagging. 别落下了 The free clinic A.I.D.S. test. 免费的艾滋病测试 The rite of passage for our generation. 我们这一代人的重要仪式 We're so lucky. 我们真幸运 Come on. So, Vick, why are you getting tested? Vick，你为啥要来做测试？ One of my friends tested positive. 我的一个朋友被测出阳性 To be on the safe side...you know. 安全起见 Vickie Miner. WOMAN, LOUDER: Vickie Miner. You can forget it. 你能忘了它 Come on, Grant. 别这样，Grant That... It's incredible. 真了不起 It's junk. 垃圾 Depressing junk. 不知所谓的垃圾 You know my rules for the "Video View"... 你知道我对“Video View”节目的规矩 light and perky. 轻快和活泼 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk to Grant alone about this. 看，Lelaina，也许我应该单独跟Grant沟通一下这事儿 Look, she's got real talent... 她真的很有才华 and I want to put her on staff. 我想给她转正 I will not have Miss Pierce on staff. 我不会让她转为正式员工 I will walk out of here if that happens. 如果她转正，我马上就离开这里 You watch. 试试看 OK, calm down. 好，冷静一下 It's no big deal. 不要紧 We don't have to have her. 我们不是一定要有她 Besides, 还有 having to look...at that girl's pointy little face all day... 整天看着那女孩的小尖脸 it would make me ill. 真让我受不了 Just get rid of her...like I asked you to do in the first place. 让她走，就像我一开始跟你说的一样 ...I'll get there. 我会的 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 如果我不知道去哪儿，我回去那儿 If I don't know... 如果我不知道…… Ten seconds... 10秒 nine, eight, seven... six, five, four... 九，八，七，六，五，四…… Is this a good morning or what? 真是个愉快的早上 Ha ha ha! Well, with us today is Libby Kumbaugh... 哈哈哈！今天来到这里的是Libby Kumbaugh the author of this book..."Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself? "Self-Esteem for Parent and Child. " 她是《妈妈，我为什么讨厌自己？父母和孩子的自尊》的作者 -Good morning, Libby. 早上好，Libby -Good morning, Grant. 早上好，Grant Good morning! Now, Libby... 早上好！Libby I'm concerned with self-esteem. 我很担心自尊 Personally, I've always had an odd preference...for very, very young girls. 就我个人而言，我总对那些特别年轻的女孩有种奇怪的偏好 I... 我 Being a total prick... 身为一个贱人…… ...Iy pear, I... Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 我们再一次欢迎今天的来宾？ Good morning! 早安！ I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 我比Ruby惹的锅更大 Hi. You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 大伙儿，我们来开个家庭会议吧 Something's happened. 有事发生 Oh, no! They've discovered Nutrasweet causes you...to grow a third eye. 噢不！他们刚发现了阿斯巴甜能让你长出第三只眼 Let me just say that everything's gonna be fine. 所有事情都会好的 Yeah, it's not a big deal. 没那么大件事 She'll just wear a patch over it. 她可以戴个眼罩遮住它 I'm working out a plan. 我在制定一个计划 Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris. 巴黎有一个外科医生 He'll just remove it for free. 他能免费帮忙割除 -Just don't panic. 别慌张 -It's not contagious. 不会传染的 Would you shut up? 你能闭嘴吗？ I just got fired. 我刚被炒鱿鱼了 Yeah. Oh, my god. 我的天哪 What happened? 发生什么事？ You got fired? 你被炒了？ I mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. 这件事彻底摧毁了我对善与恶的判断 It's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. 这不是我做了子宫切除手术之类的 I just... I got fired. I'll find something else, you know. 我只是被炒了。我会找到其他工作的 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! You're hired. 你被聘用了！ I need a part-timer. 我需要一个兼职 You need a job. 你需要一份工作 That would be so cool. 真是太好了 It's only, like, five dollars an hour. No big deal. 虽然只有5块钱的时薪，不多 But it's a pretty good opportunity. 但这是一次很好的机会 Yeah, it's a dream come true. 对啊，是梦想成真的机会 It is. 是的 You know, Vick, I said I'm working out a plan. Vick，我说我在制定一个计划 Yeah. 是的 So, what's the plan? 所以这个计划是什么？ I'm not gonna work at the Gap, for Christ's sake. OK? 天哪，我不要在Gap工作，好吗？ -No. I mean... 不，我的意思是…… -Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 噢，我很抱歉 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 我真愚蠢，怎么能把你拉低到我的层次 -Vickie, you don't do this, OK? Vick，你不能这样说话，好吗？ -Shut up. 闭嘴 Come on. This is just... 别这样 You know I didn't mean it. 你知道我不是那个意思 Vickie. You see, this is where Troy was fired... 你看，这里就是Troy第11次被解雇的地方 from his eleventh job. He was an illustrious office cleaner. 他是一名卓越的办公室清洁工 Now if you'll come this way, please... 如果你走这里 we will continue our short but happy walking tour...of the career of Troy Dyer. 我们将继续回顾Troy Dyer短暂而快乐的职业生涯 And here we have the newsstand... 我们来到的这个报摊 where Troy dared to ask the question... 在这里Troy勇敢地提出一个问题 Are employee snacks subsidized? 会不会提供雇员的零食？ The answer... tragically, no. 很不幸地，答案是不 In total, he has been fired...from... yes, count them...twelve jobs. 他总共被炒了12次鱿鱼 Twelve? Ouch. 12次？哇 So you shouldn't feel so bad. 所以你不需要感到糟糕 One of these mornings, I'm going to wake up before noon and... 未来的某一天，我在中午前睡醒过来 Ha ha. Yeah, right. 哈哈，对 And I'm gonna turn on the TV... 我打开电视 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say... 看到Bryant Gumbel主播说 "Today we have with us... 今天我们请来 "the Pulitzer Prize winning 普利策奖纪录片得主Lelaina Pierce documentarian Lelaina Pierce. "Lelaina, after your first film, Lelaina，在你的第一部片子“为什么芭比很坏”之后 Why Barbie Is Bad... " "You seem to have forgotten all about..."your best friend, Troy Dyer. " 你似乎已经遗忘了你最好的朋友，Troy Dyer Troy who? 谁？ What was that name again? 名字是什么？ Oh, right through the heart. 噢，想起来了 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods... 我可能会在Whole Foods超市工作 playing warehouses... 在仓库里无所事事 hanging around places like the Radio Shack... 在无线电公司附近随处游荡 screaming that I used to know you... 尖叫着我以前认识你 and you'll be there in the lights... 而你会坐在聚光灯下 and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 看起来那么美丽 Oh, Troy. No, no, no. Troy，不不不 That'll never happen. 这永远不会发生 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. Whole Foods根本不会雇用你 You see, Lainie, 你看，Lainie this is all we need... 这就是我们需要的 a couple of smokes, 抽几根烟 a cup of coffee... 喝杯咖啡 And a little bit of conversation. 闲聊几句 You and me and five bucks. 你，我，不需要太多的钱 You got it. 对呀 -You know what? 你知道吗？ -Hmm? -No, no, no. 不不不 -What? Troy, I can't. I can't. Troy，我不能那样做 Why not? 为什么不行？ You never thought about it? 你从来没想过这样吗？ Well, yes, of course I have, but I... 我当然有想过，但我…… But what? 但是什么？ I can't not be friends with you, OK? 我不想失去你这个朋友，好吗？ I don't want that. That's not what I'm talking about. 我不想那样，这不是我说的意思 I'm talking about a... 我的意思是…… you know, evolving. 进一步发展 I just can't handle this right now. 我现在没法处理这件事 I can't evolve right now. 我现在没法和你进一步发展 Why not? 为什么不？ Because of Michael? 因为Michael？ No. Yeah. Yes. Yes. 不，对对对 My parents got divorced when I was fourteen. 我爸妈在我14岁时就离婚了 My dad... the dog...he remarried six months after the divorce. 我爸6个月后就又重新结婚了 Wow. That's quick. 哇，闪婚 How did everybody react? 其他人有什么反应？ Um... my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 我妈威胁说要在我面前自杀 Patty got drunk in her closet...every morning before junior high school. 初中以前的每个早上，Patty都醉倒在衣橱里 And you? 你呢？ Well, um... Somebody had to remember to take out the trash... 总得有人记得去扔垃圾 sign the report cards, buy the milk. 签名成绩单、买牛奶 So, um... that kind of ended up being me. 所以，这就是我 I don't want to get married... 我不想结婚 because I see how my parents are. 因为我看到我父母的婚姻 And they've been together, like, 26 years... 他们在一起26年了 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 现在他们的关系更像是兄妹 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 我妈去洗手间时不关门 That's "A." 这是第一点 And "B"... It's disgusting. 第二点，那太恶心了 I don't want any part of that. 我不想那样 I want first kisses. 我要亲吻 I want passion... 我要激情 the whole way through. 自始至终都要 It's better than having to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 总比一直给你老公拍马屁要好 Yeah. 对 I think that your documentary...would be perfect for "In Your Face. " 我觉得你的纪录片很适合“In Your Face”频道 -See? Forget it. 忘了吧 -No. 不 You're probably thinking more like, you know... 你可能更想要 P B.S. or something. 比如说公共电视台之类的 No. No. You know 不不 what it is, though? 为什么呢？ It's that I.. Boy. 因为我…… OK, when I made this thing... 好吧，当我一开始拍这个片子时 I kind of made this promise to myself... 我对自己许了个承诺 that I wasn't going to think about...where it was gonna end up 我不会计划它能变成什么大作品 because I didn't want to...unintentionally commercialize it. 因为我不想无意间将它商业化了 No, I think that's great. 不，我觉得那很棒 I mean, I think you should definitely... not unintentionally do anything... 我的意思是，你觉得不应该无意地做任何事情…… that you're not comfortable with. 任何令你觉得不舒服的事情 I mean, not that I would intentionally... 我不是说我会无意间…… Well, plus， it's not done yet, you know. 再者，片子还没完成呢 Right. I know. I know. 对，我知道 It was just a stupid... 只是我一个愚蠢的想法 You know... I got to go to New York on Wednesday... 你知道，我周三要去纽约 for this huge network meeting thing... 参加一个大型的电视网络会议 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 天哪，你会讨厌的 I hate it. I just... 我也讨厌。但我只是 I just thought...that they would freak out over your tapes... 我只是觉得那些人会被你的片子震惊的 because they never see anything that's really smart... 因为他们从未看过这么聪明 and has real...you know, quality and is...good, like you and your work... 这么真实的、优秀的东西，就像你和你的作品 and I know I'm being selfish and... 我知道我有点自私 Michael, um... That is literally, literally... 这真的是 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me... 从没有人对我说过这么美好、这么甜蜜的话 the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. So, what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 今天早上你还要干什么？ What am... Oh, what am I doing? 我要干什么？ What am I doing? Ooh. Well, I have a job interview. 噢，我要去面试 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. Lelaina，这东西是1988年的 I know. Ha ha ha! 我知道，哈哈哈 So you're, like...six years late. 所以你已经迟到了6年 I thought the ad said that this was a job...for a production assistant. 我记得广告里说的这份工作是制作助理 Yes. You will be assisting me...in the production of videotapes, all right? 对，你会帮助我去制作录像带 You're going to make copies for me... many copies. 你要帮我做好多好多副本 Oh, is this like a...like a pirate operation? 这里做的是盗版吗？ Do I look like a pirate to you? 我看起来像是一个海盗吗？（英文海盗与盗版是同一个单词） Now, radio is all instinct, Lelaina. Lelaina，现在的电台已经全都消失了 Do you know where all the radio comes from? 你知道收音机来自哪里吗？ The gut.It's all in the gut. 来自直觉，全都来自直觉 Because when you think on your feet... 因为当你站着思考时 got to go from your gut. 要顺着直觉去走 And my gut is telling me 而我的直觉现在告诉我 that, uh...this isn't gonna work out. 你不太适合 Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 也许你的直觉正在告诉你饿了或者…… Oh, no, no, no, no. 噢不不不不 It's telling me that, uh...you're overqualified for this job. 直觉告诉我，你做这份工作是低就了 I'm really not that smart. 我真的没有那么聪明 No offense, sweetie, 亲爱的，没有冒犯的意思 but you don't have...any experience on a newspaper. 但你完全没有做报纸的经验 You're TV. 你是电视人 Well, I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 我正尝试要转型到纸媒 Ah. Why? 为什么？ Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs...of our... our government. 纸媒是政府最后的监督者 They enforce the checks and balances. 保证三权分立 And one half-hour of TV only adds up to... 半小时的电视节目就能达到…… OK. All right. Define irony. 好了，解释讽刺的定义 Irony. Uh...Irony. 讽刺，嗯，讽刺 It's a noun. 是一个名词 It's when something is...ironic. It's, uh... 当一些事情是讽刺的…… Well, I can't really define irony... 好吧，我没法说出讽刺的定义 but I know it when I see it! 但当我知道怎么使用这个词 Hey. Hey. Oh, my god. 我的天哪 I've never been so glad...to see anyone in my entire life. 见到你真高兴 This day has been the biggest nightmare. 今天真是一个巨大的噩梦 I mean, these job interviews, Troy... 这些工作面试 the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. 解剖每个词的意思， Can you define irony? 你能说出讽刺的定义吗？ It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite...from the literal meaning. 讽刺就是当实际含义跟字面意思完全相反 Yeah. My god. 是啊，天哪 Where were you when I needed you today? 当我那么需要你时你在哪儿？ I... I should go. 我，我要走了 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations for embarrassing incidents? 别这样，尴尬事件总会过去嘛？ Your bravado was embarrassing. 你的逞能才令人尴尬。 Hey, Troy, come on. Troy别这样。 You can stay with me for one cigarette. 留下来陪我一起抽根烟。 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 我知道你能留下来陪我抽根烟。 You, me, five bucks, good conversation. Right? 你，我，喝着five bucks，愉快的聊天，对不对？ Lainie... Troy, you haven't been home in four days. Troy，你已经四天没回家了。 I mean, where have you been sleeping? 你都睡在哪里呢？ I got to go. 我要走了。 Mom, I need to talk to you about a loan. 妈，我想跟你借笔钱。 Is it for drugs? 你吸毒了？ No. No, it's not for drugs. 不，不，我没吸毒。 I was f...I lost my job. 我只是失业了。 But you shouldn't have any trouble finding another job, sugar bugger. 但你去找份新工作应该完全没问题呀，宝贝。 No. See, I tried. 不，我已经尝试过了。 I applied for every single opening in my field but there's just... 我应聘过所有对口专业的职位，但…… There's nothing right now. 现在都没成功。 Hmm. Well...then I hate to say it but times are hard. 我只能说，时势艰难 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 你得收起你的骄傲。 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 你为什么不去汉堡店呢？它家肯定会请你的。 My lord, I saw on the TV they had this little retarded boy working the cash register. 我在电视上看到他们甚至还请了个弱智的小男孩当收银员呢。 Because I'm not retarded, mom. 妈，我不是弱智。 I was valedictorian of my university. 我是我们大学的优秀毕业生。 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 你不用写在你的申请表上呀。 Miss Pierce, do you have any idea what it means to be a cashier at Wiener Schnitzel? Pierce小姐，你知道在“维也纳炸牛排”店当收银员要干什么吗？ Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders and making change, and, uh "thank you. " 知道，就是，点菜、找钱，还有，说“谢谢” No. It's a juggling act. 不，你还得会变戏法。 A juggling act? You mean, like, metaphorically? 变戏法？你这是个比喻吗？ No. I mean, you got people coming at you from the front， coming at you from the back, from the sides， people at the condiment exchange， people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes，and they're all depending on who? 不，我的意思是，你的前面有人、后面有人、边上有人，调味料台边有人、汽车通道有人，还有骑单车的小孩。他们都要依靠谁？ -Me? 我？ -Yeah. You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. All right? 没错。你要自己找时间去偷懒，还得找时间去清洁。 You got to be 150 percent on your toes 150 percent of the time. 你要在加倍的时间里加倍留神。 There you go, sir. 这边请，先生。 And have a 'tude, wiener dude. All rightie. 好啦。 OK. I'm going to throw a few numbers out at you and you put them together in your head as quick as you can. OK，现在我说几个数字，你要以最快速度加起来。 -OK? -OK. Eighty-five and forty-five. Go. 85加45是多少？ One... forty? 一百…四十？ Nope. 错。 -One... fifty? 一百…五十？ -Nope. 错。 -One-sixty? 一百六十？ -It's not an auction. 我们不是在拍卖。 Miss Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. Pierce小姐，我能在这里呆6个月是有原因的。 WEATHERMAN: For the entire summertime... occurring in one day. Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. Today reports of I-70... Royalton Hotel. Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel? That's what I said. Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you. I'm looking for a guest there. His name is Michael Grates. Hold one moment, please. That guest is out. Would you like to leave a message? Oh... no. That's OK. I'll just try again later. Thanks. Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and welcome to "Wedgie"... the world of hip couture. This week, we're in south-central Los Angeles... at the intersection of Florence and Normandy... the flashpoint of fashion. The phattest gangsta trend will increase your peace. This bandanna by Donna Karin... is blue for Crips, red for Bloods... and only costs seventy-five dollars. Lainie, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? I have to bring them to the club. You know, I hope he knows... that he still has to pay some rent around here. I mean... Ha ha. I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... Do you know? I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. Now you can call your own personal psychic... anytime 24 hours a day... thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery Network. You can pick up the phone and talk directly... with an established professional psychic... in the privacy of your own home. I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change. But I didn't know what to do. It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. I mean, my best friend... I feel like I've lost him forever... and he was like my touchstone, you know. WOMAN ON TELEPHONE: This man... does his name start with the letter "N"? Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. Newsstand. "N," newsstand. He used to work at a newsstand. Uh-huh. Oh, god. This is unbelievable. Honey, that's not all I'm getting. There are people I know from high school... who are already married and having babies. I mean, babies, OK? I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. Well, honey, I didn't have kids... until I was on my third husband. Oh, really? All Geminis. You know what I think, Tanell? I think you still really love Monty. Yeah, you're probably right... but it don't matter now. Oh, yes, it does, Tanell. I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him... and you've got to tell him how you really feel. Find him? I got... Lelaina. We need to talk to you. Hold on, Tanell. Hold on. I'm on the phone. Yeah, I can see that... and we have a four-hundred and six dollar phone bill... mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. Lelaina, I'm so seriously troubled... Listen, we'd help you out, but we're broke, too. And you know we can't afford a new deposit... if the phone gets shut off. Maybe you could borrow the money from Michael. No, Sammy. Jesus. Lainie, what are you doing? What are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. Those pajamas are like your uniform. You run up a four-hundred dollar phone bill. You watch TV. You chain-smoke. You don't go outside. You don't do anything. Man, you are in the bell jar. Look, this is my apartment. I signed the lease. I let you move in here when you had no job, no money... and you sponged off me for two months! Sponged? Uh-huh. And now Miss Big Power Marm... Miss "I'm manager of the Gap now"... you think you can just come in here and push me around?! She's not being pushy. Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here! Hey, my little unemployed waif... you're the one who's looking for work now, OK? God, you're really enjoying this, aren't you? You're high. Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? You've been waiting for this since the day we met. Who told you that? Your psychic partner? I'll tell you the problem with your generation. You don't have any work ethic. Now, you take your friend Troy, for example. I went out of my way to set up an interview for him... and he didn't even bother to show up. That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. And everything was going on. And it slipped my mind. And I'm... sorry, but, you know, I have a work ethic, dad. I have a very strong work ethic, you know. Ask anyone. Then all you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? Darling, I love you, and I hate to break your plate... but you got to grow up sometime. Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity, hmm? Let me talk with you, my baby It is bad to say that maybe It is time for you to say we Came to share a point of view Living in the never-never Dropping out of here together I could spend some time forever With a girl like you, let me hear you say Let's go, ooh You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah Let's go Ooh, ooh, ooh You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah Right here on earth. Looking for tomorrow Can you see us one day? Beg or steal or borrow We could live forever Never to say never You will be for me I will fight for you, now Let's go Ooh, ooh, ooh You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah... Well, that solves our first problem. Rent's due this week. Well, well. Look who finally decided to grace us with his... Presence. This is... This is, uh, Jean. Janine. Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a little loud in the club. Excuse me. Can't stay here, Troy. I'm just gonna pick something up. Well... Mission accomplished. Now leave. I think maybe I'm gonna wait... Always the mistress of etiquette, huh, Lainie? Just out of curiosity... why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? All right. We're just trying to pay bills here, OK? So, Troy, if you got any money... Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? To a philosopher? It's just green-colored paper... that floats in and out of his life like snow. It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for... is it, Troy? No, not if you have daddy's little gas card. You shut up! You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job, any job! You don't even bother showing up for interviews! What is it that you want from me? Huh? What is it? You want me to get a job on the line... for the next 20 years, until I'm granted leave... with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors... because I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? Well, honey, you can just exhale... because it's not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. All right, fine! You don't want to work, fine! Lainie, goddamn it! You want to be a band, then be a goddamn band! Rehearse every day! Play every night! Play three times a night! Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years! Don't dick around with her or with me. I mean, try at something, for once in your life! Do something about it, but you know what? You better do it now, and you better do it fast... because the world doesn't owe you any favors... and whether you know it or not... you're on the inside track to Loserville, U.S.A... just like him. OK. It's just too psychotic in here now. All right, Lelaina, let's go for a walk. Fine. Come on, man. Let them go. With pleasure, my friends. With pleasure. Ha. "With pleasure"? You know who I really feel sorry for... is that poor girl. Oh, how about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? It's like I'm pulling that stuff out of the dryer... and there's five pairs of his boxers... I just washed unknowingly. No, I'll just throw it back in his face. Yeah, like I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah. He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. He's a total nightmare for women. I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier? Sometimes, but... Nah. I couldn't go through with it. I'd start laughing or something. But it's such a shame... because I am so through with men. If one more guy walks out on me... I don't even know what. I swear. What are you talking about... Walk out on you? You walk out on them. I've seen you. You're out the door before the condom comes off. Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. OK. You don't even know I'm sitting here... maybe... Probably dying of A.I.D.S. And I'm totally alone. Vickie... Well, uh... you're not alone. Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said... and I'm sorry for being such a bitch... but I have to tell you, you're not alone. You're not, and you're not dying of A.I.D.S. You don't understand. Every day, all day... it's all that I think about, OK? Every time I sneeze... it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. And it's like it's not even happening to me. It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show... like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? And I'm the new character. I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S. character... and I live in the building, and I teach everybody... that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me... and then I die... and there's everybody at my funeral... wearing halter tops and chokers or some shit like that. Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop. You're freaking out, and you know what? You're gonna have to deal with the results. Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them... just like we've dealt with everything else. This isn't like everything else. I know that, all right? But it's gonna be OK, you know? I know it's gonna be OK. "Melrose Place" is a really good show. WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Lelaina Pierce. Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? Yeah. Hello. Lelaina? Ha ha! Hi! Look, I had to call you right away. Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK? What? What? I took the tape, and I showed it. No. Wait, wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. They want to buy them. -No. -Yes. They liked it? No, no. I mean, they, like, psychotically loved it. They want to pay you for it. I know this isn't P B.S., but is this OK? Yes! I was this close to selling fruit at intersections. Well, don't, all right? Don't. Just hang on, and I'm gonna get you some money... and I'm gonna be down there in a few days... and I just... I'm just, like... I'm thinking about you every second here. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Can you hear me now? Where are you? I'm in a phone booth. Why are you on a cellular phone? I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just... Michael, Michael, Michael, I... I really miss you! I really miss you, too. I love you. Oh! Whoa! I mean... I mean... you amaze me. No! You amaze me! Hello? Can you hear me? Michael, I'm losing you. I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? Pay phone outside... always amazes me. Hey. "Try me. I'm free. " Good mag. Good mag. -Negatory. -Yeah! All right! Did you hear that? Negative! Here. Let me see that. Hey, hey! All rightie! Thanks for the help, Lainie. A celebration zoom. OK. Enough. -Ma! -I'm right here, son. -Ma. -Yeah? I have to tell you some... thing. I am... a... homo... sexual. Oh, Christ. Is there a support group that I can join... to help me come to terms with my own homophobia? Yes, there is... a group which is named P F L.A.G.... Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. What you've just witnessed here is a preenactment... of events that are about to take place. Well... I came out to her, and... she's still a little bit upset. But you know... You know, I think the real reason... that I've been celibate for so long... isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A"... but because I can't really start my life... without being honest about who I am and... SAMMY ON TAPE: I want to be in there, too. I want to feel miserable and happy and all of that. I mean, I... I want to... I want to be let back in the house. Hello. Oh, hi. Um... sorry. Just... the door was... So I just, um... Yeah, she's getting dressed. Great. I'll just... Oh, I, um... I don't know if she told you... but I just came back from New York... with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you... it's really... it's really great stuff. Really. That whole... that whole thing about... "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was... that was really... I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. Yeah. That's OK. I mean... That's... I know. It's... I mean... You know... It's still... It's... Hi. -Hi. -Hi. What happened to your normal clothes? Wow! Lelaina, look at you. You look... Where'd you get that dress? Oh, um... I don't know. I just bought it. But I think I'm gonna go change because... No, don't. You look beautiful. You look like... You look like... A doily. -I'm gonna change. -No, don't change. And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie. Hey, what is your glitch, huh? My "glitch"? You know what? We're already late. No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? Seriously, is there, like... I mean, have I, like, uh... stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? Because.. Because... No, no, no. Excuse me... if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you. There's no secret handshake. There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake. I... This is... You... No... This guy... you've got this whole thing with the world. Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? We're human beings, people, OK? We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever. -Just ignore him. -No! Done. Come on. Let's go. You don't need this. You don't know what she needs. I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. Let's go. Baby, tell me that my love ain't good I don't treat you right, I don't do you like I should... Listen, that's got to be back here, OK? -Hi. -Hi. So, you ready? Well, what's it like? I mean... It's great. It's great. I mean, I haven't actually seen it yet... but we had our best guys working on it... and, you know, we just put some titles on... and shaped it a little bit. It's gonna be great. OK. OK, OK. OK. Thanks. OK, everybody, it's a special night... because, as you know, we're entering into... a new phase here at the channel... real programming. And our first step is this remarkable piece... by Lelaina. So hang on, because this is going to change... the face of "In Your Face. " What's this? It's just transitional stuff. MAN, SINGING: La la la-la la The story of my life We're finished! SINGING: School's out forever I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. And you wonder why we never got involved. SINGING: School's been blown to pieces SINGING: Love can make you weep I don't want to get married... because I see how my parents are. -My parents got divorced... -My parents got divorced... -When I was fourteen. -When I was five years old. My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. I swore to myself I'd never get married. I want passion. Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about... Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies! Would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. Oh, my god. LELAINA, ON VIDEO: But the question remains... How can we repair all the damage we inherited? I was told there'd be no math on this exam. Can I change my answer? The answer is simple. We're on a road to nowhere Jesus. The answer is... The-the-the answer is... Pizza! Pizza. Pizza. Ha ha. Oh... -It's, um... -Yeah, right. We're on a road to nowhere But here we go Lelaina. Lelaina, look. I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. That was not my work, Michael. That's not what I did. That's not what I want. It had nothing! I can't believe I trusted you! I had no idea! I didn't see it! I mean, look. I guess it was probably a little slow... and they cut it up a little... Cut it up? They cut up everything that meant anything to me! I mean, I don't even think you realize what you've done. You don't get it. You just don't get it! I do get it! Look. It just... It's, like, you have this great piece of work... and we have this audience, these kids... and it's like trying to feed them meatloaf or something... and they don't want to eat it, right? So you have to give them, like, "Here comes the plane. "It's coming into the hangar. Open up the hangar. " But it's still meatloaf. It was never meatloaf! That's a bad... I just... Look, I'm sorry, all right? They were just trying to market it. And I wish I could be perfect, OK? I wish I could be like Troy... riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything. Don't you dare bring Troy into this. Hey, I wish I could be like him. I wish I could live off of creeds and mottoes... and all that shit, all right? But I'm in the real world here, OK? And I have ideals also. They're that I... I care about you... and I want to make you happy... and I'm... I just... Look... I'll make them take the pizza thing out, OK? I'm just a bill Yes, I'm only a bill And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill Well, it's a long, long journey to... How'd the big premiere turn out? Fine. They were just videotapes, right? Who cares? Ha ha. I just worked so hard on them, you know? I worked so hard. Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. No, you don't. You don't sound pathetic. You know, I know it sounds stupid... but it really meant something to me. I know it wasn't gonna, you know, end world hunger... or, you know, save the planet... but it just meant something to me. I just don't... Understand why things just can't go back to normal... at the end of the half-hour... like on "The Brady Bunch" or something. Well, because Mr. Brady died of A.I.D.S. Things don't work out like that. I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three... is yourself. I don't know who that is anymore. Well, I do. And we all love her. I love her. Uh... She breaks my heart again and again... but, uh... But I love her. I've wanted you like this for all these years. Hey. Hi. Ha ha. Where are you going? I have rehearsal. At 8:24 in the morning? Yeah. Ha ha. -So... that's it? -No. No, that's not... It's not it. I just... I, uh... I have to go. Got a party mama, got a cokehead dad I'm the ultimate inversion, the American man Don't feel good, but don't feel bad It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' I ain't left, I ain't right I feel so alone Before I was born, I was all gone Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 'Cause... Tell me it's not true. TROY, SINGING: It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' I'm nuthin' Nuthin' That's me I'm nuthin' Lainie, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. Come on. Thank you. We'll be right back... with a new American cheese snack idea. You got a phone call. Lelaina. -Hi. -Hi. Don't say anything, all right? Look, I screwed up, all right? I know. I should have protected you and your work... and I didn't, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't. And I want to make this up to you, OK? You mean so much to me, Lelaina... and I just... Look, two tickets, all right, New York. We go, and we give them a presentation... of the show the way you want it done. Michael, I don't... I know. I know, but this time is different. I mean, who's the boss, huh? Huh? Tony Danza? No. I don't think so. It's you. It's your show, and I just... I just... you know, feel like maybe... I deserve another shot here. Well, hi, Lelaina. Hi. What, is there a frog in your throat... or are you just glad to see me? Hi, Mike. Thanks for coming down, man. No hard feelings. Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. Yeah. Are you OK? She's fine. She's fine. She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Ha. So, are you gonna tell him, or am I? Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? Hi. You want to tell me what the hell he's doing here? I wanted to talk to you. What the hell do you care? You totally bailed on me this morning. I panicked. It happens. I thought we could work it out, you know. I mean, I don't know if now is the right time for us. Look, I meant everything that I said to you last night. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying I... Look, you are the only woman... that I could ever commit myself to. So what? Do I get a medal? I win the big commitment cook-off, and you just run away? I knew this was gonna happen! I knew this was gonna happen! I don't want to lose you. I've never been in an experience like this before. I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. Welcome to the world of the emotionally immature. It's a really nice place to visit. Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. Oh, yeah, right. Michael. Michael. He's so mature... because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. I might do mean things, and I might hurt you... and I might run away without your permission... and you might hate me forever. And I know that that scares the shit out of you... because I'm the only real thing that you have. Yeah? Well, that ain't real much. One, two, three, four. Hey, Troy, man, you're on. Michael, I'm sorry... Listen, I'm sorry, all right? That's what this is all about. This one's for you, Lainie. Why can't I get just one kiss? Why can't I get just one kiss? You told me there'd be some things that I wouldn't miss But I looked at your pants And I need a kiss Why can't I get just one screw? Why can't I get just one screw? Believe me, I'd know what to do But something won't let me make love to you Why can't I get just one ah? Why can't I get just one ah? Oh, nice job. Very well done. Really good. I don't want to hear it from you. Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not qualified to talk to you. I'm sorry I can't be Mister... Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha on the mountaintop. You know what you are, man? You what what you remind me of? You're like that guy, you know, with the... with the hat and the bells and the little, you know... The court jester. Yeah, right. Where everything's so easy to laugh at... from a safe distance back in Clever-Clever Land. You know what happens to him? They find his skull in a grave, and they go... "Oh, I knew him, and he was funny. " And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. Where'd you hear that, a Renaissance festival? Besides, everyone dies all by himself. If you really believe that... Who are you looking for out here? SINGING: You say you want Diamonds on a ring of gold You say you want Your story to remain untold But all the promises we make From the cradle to the grave When all I want is you You say you'll give me A highway with no one on it Treasure just to look upon it All the riches in the night You say you'll give me Eyes in a moon of blindness A river in a time of dryness A harbour in the tempest But all the promises we make From the cradle to the grave When all I want is you Hello. Hello? SINGING: All I want is you All I want is you All I want is you... -Hey, Lainie. This is Lance. -Hi. Um... I just need to know if he's OK. Huh? OK. All I know is he went back to Chicago... alone. I'm not supposed to know that, am I? Shit. Shit. Hi. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute... before you go. See, the thing is that, um... Well... my dad died. Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. No. It... What happened was that, um... I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. And the best thing that I can say about that is... I don't know. I... I have this... this planet of regret... sitting on my shoulders. And you have no idea how much I wish that I could go back... to that morning after we made love... and do everything different. But I know that I can't, so... I thought that I would come here and tell you something. And what I wanted to tell you... was that I love you... and, uh... just wanted to make sure that that was clear... so that there wasn't any confusion. Um... So, anyway, uh... Where are you going? I was going to look for you. What for? Just... wanted to see if you were OK. Well, I had a shitty week, you know. A froggy went a-courting, and he did ride With a sword and a pistol by his side Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousie's door... TROY ON ANSWERING MACHINE: At the beep... please leave your name, number, and a brief justification... for the ontological necessity... of modern man's existential dilemma... and we'll get back to you. Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad. Give me a call when you get this. I need you to explain something. I just got a nine-hundred-dollar bill on my gas card. If we should fall, love will catch us every time I hear you call, I will run And if the magic of the adventure overcomes We won't cry, because it could be fun What I'm trying to do is constantly find those people... find out what makes them the best and bring that... Tired of getting razzes for being bald? I'm only a young man. No more dates where I've been called old man. Roy, why are you doing this to me? I know we can be happy together. You'll chill in time. Right now, I need someone... who understands what my music and the band mean to me. But it's just music, Roy. I'm a human being with deep feelings... who feels things deeply. Music is feeling, babe. The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. I'm Audi 5000. Please don't let him get drunk and drive. SINGING: Won't be very long Till I'm going, going, gone You say I only hear what I want to You say I talk so all the time So? And I thought what I felt was simple And I thought that I don't belong And now that I am leaving Now I know that I did something wrong 'Cause I missed you Yeah, yeah, I missed you And you say I only hear what I want to I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention To the distance that you're running Or to anyone, anywhere I don't understand if you really care I'm only hearing negative, no, no, no, no No... So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up And this woman was singing my song The lover's in love, and the other's run away The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay Some of us hover when we weep for the other Who was dying since the day they were born, well Well, this is not that, I think that I'm throwing But I'm thrown And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure You try to tell me that I'm clever But that won't take me anyhow Or anywhere with you You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong, no I thought, hey, I can leave, I can leave, though But now I know that I was wrong Because I missed you Yeah, I missed you